Looking down at these shabby pants is not gonna stress me out right now. I have very few wearable pants and these now have a huge rip on the knee. Which is not really my style, plus these are dressy-casual and I think the rip looks stupid. I'm mentally counting ahead wondering how long the jeggings with the giant holes around the pockets will last, too, and how long it will be before I'm wearing the same pair of pants every day. Months maybe?
I gave up stressing out about money when I was pregnant with Lenny. Still it's hard not to. When I'm staring my options in the face all I see are low rise skinny jeans that are one size too small and ratty ripped yoga pants. I'm gonna have to buy new pants soon. Simple enough, until I add it to the list of things we will need to buy soon.
I notice every hole and rip in Chris's socks and underwear when I put the laundry away. I feel his pain when it takes him twenty-five minutes to start up our hunk of junk computer. I've been through every stage of cabin fever these past two months stuck in the house wondering when we'll be able to buy a new car. I see the kids' highwaters and tight shoes and how fast they are growing. I hear every darn scratch and scamper of these squirrels we got throwing a block party in the eaves of our house and wonder how much it will cost to get rid of them. I watch every single pair or my shoes slowly unraveling and falling apart all at the same time. I listen to the rattling noise of the garbage disposal and wonder when that, too, will fall apart.
It doesn't matter what we buy, fix, or take care of. Once you get ahead then it's Christmas. Or you need new tires. God has seen us through every need in the past and he will continue to do so in the future. So I just let it go. When I'm finally stuck wearing the same pair of pants everyday, I will get new pants. I don't need to worry about how right now. I just need to trust. Trust that this is His plan for me. When life isn't perfect we learn that we can't control it all, that we need God to do it for us. THIS is the good life.
And looking back, he's done an amazing job. Especially with these two gorgeous, gorgeous human beings. When it's good, it's good.
