Monday, June 29, 2015

When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong!

Sometimes it's hard not to wonder why being pregnant has to be so hard. Especially now that I have already carried two babies to term, my body feels like it's crapping out on me. Not yet, body! I need you to keep yourself together!

After the horrible morning sickness, my first pregnancy was a breeze. I felt good, with the exception of Braxton-Hicks, which weren't all that bad. I could bend over, jump, play, do whatever. Then with the second, I started feeling those aches and pains everyone always moans about. But still, I could live a normal life, pick up my toddler, be on my feet all day. And now with this baby I feel like I am dying, starting with my hip joints decaying and slowly spreading out over my body so that by the time I'm nine months I will be bed ridden and probably comatose. 

I have had on and off hip pains for probably ten years now because of scoliosis but it's pretty serious right now and I just want to punch my hips right off my body. I seriously cannot walk sometimes. Or sit, or lay down, or whatever. Now, it's like, I vacuumed the other night and then I couldn't roll over in bed without practically weeping. We had to switch the almost two-year-old into a toddler bed from her crib because I seriously struggle to get her in and out of there. Half the time I am limping when I walk and it looks like I'm doing the third trimester waddle when I am only 12 weeks. TWELVE. Shouldn't I technically have zero aches and pains at this point?

Hi baby! Stahp hurting meeee. Love you!

Not only that but I can feel my uterus aching. What? Like I might possibly already be feeling Braxton-Hicks. Not cool, body. Not cool. Yeah I know I don't give you enough exercise and during these past two months of morning sickenss I have been eating pure junk. But can you cut me some slack. Thanks.  

So with all of this I sometimes forget that it's all part of God's plan. He's all, girl. I got this! I got your back. And it's like a rainbow WWJD bracelet slap to the face. Loving some St. Paul today on the solemnity of his feast day, so of course I have to get my answers from this dude. He says:

The Lord said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. 
Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 
(2 Corinthians, 12:9-10)

God is not weighing me down with unnecessary burdens. He is giving me a gift of His love- His strength in my weakness. Suffering is a point of contact between heaven and earth, a kiss from Jesus that molds us more closely in his image as we suffer in love as he did. 

If my goal is really to get to heaven, I need to be thankful for these aches and pains of pregnancy. Not only do I get to work with God in the creation of a human body necessarily intertwined with a human soul, but I get to take the gift of self that Jesus gives me and offer it back to Him along with my own suffering, as a perfect gift of love, because it is the gift of Him in me, and He is perfect. 

Now the hard part is reminding myself of this constantly, not wasting a minute of these nine months complaining or looking for sympathy. Not sure I am quite there yet but hey, tomorrow is a new day. Also tomorrow is the feast of the first martyrs of the church. Nothing like some people who actually died for Jesus to guilt me into getting over myself and suffering cheerfully, right? I can do it!

Relaxing on the hammock helps too :)

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