Friday, June 13, 2014

"Five Years, Stuck on my Eyes"

"Five years, what a surprise." Not really... It's just that spending all week thinking about our five-year anniversary coming up has got "Five Years" by David Bowie stuck in my head. And it's actually a really sad song so it in no way applies to our marriage. But it's also beautiful, and beauty is always relevant and reverent. And I find both in the line, "I kiss you, you're beautiful, I want you to walk!" What an evocative and unforgettable sentiment. When the world is ending and there are no words to express the horror and sadness, the narrator of the song expresses the soul's deepest yearning in these simple words. It's a little bit like being in love. The joy and emotion are too immense to express through words, and so we use the simple phrase, "I love you." In these three tiny words a cynic can find nothing but trite emptiness. But for those who have ever experienced love, it is not empty, but endlessly vast. It encompasses everything and it is everything. It is an instant in time and it is also eternity. When we love, we experience God.

In honor of our fifth anniversary I wrote a little letter to my husband that I'd like to share.




Chris,

Today is our fifth wedding anniversary, and it marks ten years that we have been together. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday, but most of the time I feel like we have been married forever. It's hard for me to remember a time in my life when you weren't by my side. Sometimes I take you for granted. I've gotten spoiled by the good life and it's hard to remember to be thankful and to show it. So now let me please thank you. Thank you for everything you do and all the hard work you put into this marriage to make it awesome.

Thank you for refusing to argue with me. It takes a strong man to put anger and frustration aside and just let it go. You know the quickest way to nip arguments in the bud and you always do, regardless of what the argument might be about. Especially when you think you're right. (Even though we both know you aren't. Just kidding!) You inspire me to be more forgiving, less angry, and more patient. When I grow up I want to be like you!

Thank you for being the spiritual leader of our family. Whenever I want to complain about something, you tell me to offer it up, and when I'm angry about what someone said or did, you always tell me they had the best intentions. You tell me to pretend the person who cut me off on the road was Jesus, even though you know that gets on my nerves because I just want to be a big fat complainer. You do all of this because you want what's best for my soul, and you're not afraid to drag me down the right path even when I'm running in the wrong direction.  

Thank you for working so hard. You seriously work so hard. Not only do you work long hours, but you do all your work with such integrity and honesty. You don't take short cuts to make things easier because you know that everything you do impacts people's lives and you want to make sure everything is fair. You are such a powerful example to our children, that we should take pride in our work, no matter what the task. 

Thank you for trusting me. You never question my choices. You trust that I am competent to care for our children, manage our finances, and look after our home. If I tell you that we don't have enough money to eat out, you don't ask me why not. If a week's worth of laundry is piled up, you don't mention it to me. You always assume I am doing the best I can for our family. Your complete confidence in me is such a treasure. You show by your own example the importance of letting loved ones, especially our children, make their own choices. 

Thank you for the love you give me. You always go out of your way to say that I look beautiful, even when we both know I look like a hot mess. Because even though you love to see me all dressed up, you really couldn't care less what I look like most of the time. You see the beauty that doesn't depend on high heels or make up. You love me and you never miss an opportunity to tell me. It takes a special man to look at a woman right after having a baby, to see the stomach flab and all the red and purple stretch marks and blood everywhere, face drained of blood, drenched in sweat with the most raunchy breath, to see this woman and think she is beautiful. And yet somehow you did, and still do. Thank you. 

There is so much more that I wish I could express to you, but love exists beyond words because love is of God and God is beyond all human comprehension. Thank you for your selfless love and friendship.

May I never, ever take you for granted.
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